Tomorrow is the first day of the start of my new career. I always thought it would be a position based on software engineering or something similar. Instead I will be a Business Systems Consultant at Wells Fargo. I may have shot myself in the foot because of how professional of a setting it will be, but we will just have to wait and see how everything turns out. I never did see myself as an organized, professional member of society.
The major difficulty in this time of change is that I end up with such a deep fear and anticipation. I end up losing quite a bit of sleep and end up being more hyper than a 12 year old boy on pixie sticks. The largest fear I have with this new position is the question of it being the right thing for me. Many people that I have graduated with and have worked with ended up in some form of development position where their influence is noticed by others. They have even ended up with positions of such prestege and awe. For example; Microsoft, Google, Cray Research, Larson Allen, Thomson West, and the State of Minnesota. There are even a few that I know who are part of fairly successful startups (Megatechtronium). This makes me dearly jealous, but also happy to see that they got the success they deserve.
When I was in high school at the National Championships for Chess in 1995 (Here for those interested), I would remember hearing the ticking of the clocks and the dead silence in the room. Then after 10 excruciating minutes I would hear people to the left of me and to the right of me claim "Check Mate". At this moment I would looked at my board and made my move to sacrifice my Queen. In chess, they say it is only the craziest of individuals who give up a position to win the game. I guess this is how I tend to live life willing to sacrifice the glory and power to go with the option that suits me best.
If you don't catch the analogy here, I would not worry about it. My brain tends to think in very odd ways, especially when I am sleep deprived.